What is Bullying?

Bullying is intentional, repeated, aggressive behavior that    relies on an imbalance of power or strength. It can be physical (hitting), verbal (harmful words), or relational. Boys often bully others using physical means, and girls frequently bully others by social exclusion. While bullying has been part of schools and workplaces for years, technology and social media have created new venues for bullying. Cyberbullying is bullying that happens online and via cell phones, and websites like Facebook, YouTube and Twitter allow kids to send hurtful, ongoing messages to other children 24 hours a day. Some sites allow messages to be left anonymously.

Why Do People Bully Others?

According to Dr. Bruce Nystrom, “People bully others for a variety of reasons; plus there is a huge variance in what is termed ‘bullying’.  Sometimes it can be assertive behavior that borders on aggressiveness; sometimes it is due to overt competitiveness, such as in a business or school scenario where one is trying to ‘one up’ the other.  Sometimes it is simple aggression.” Nystrom adds, “It can be the expression of prejudice, too. Often, a weaker person who is attempting to feel stronger/more able than another adopts prejudicial attitudes that sometimes take form in actual behaviors.  For example, the school bully who takes lunch money from another student who is prejudicially viewed as somehow being inferior.” Nystrom notes that  “Left unchecked, bullying can last a long time. It needs to be confronted and not tolerated. The only other way to passively deal with it would be to remove oneself from the situation; e.g. move to another school, move to another city, get a different job.”

Adults Should Know the Signs
For children, bullying generally happens in places such as the bathroom, playground, crowded hallways and school buses, as well as via cell phones and computers. Teachers, parents and administrators should emphasize to children that telling is not tattling and they must take bullying seriously. If a teacher observes bullying in a classroom, s/he needs to immediately intervene to stop it, record the incident and inform the appropriate school administrators so the incident can be investigated. Although adults may tend to handle these situations without a child’s involvement, it is important that kids be just as involved as the adults. Together they can form safety teams and anti-bullying task forces. Students can teach adults about new technologies kids are using to bully; parents, teachers and school administrators can help students engage in positive behaviors and teach them skills so they know how to intervene when bullying occurs. In addition, schools should be “no bullying zones” and teachers must emphasize that bullying is not only unacceptable, but can have consequences.

How To Tell If Your Child Is Being Bullied

Children aren’t always vocal about being bullied, so it’s important to know the signs. They include:

• ripped clothing
• hesitation about going to school
• decreased appetite
• nightmares
• crying
• general depression and anxiety

If you discover your child is being bullied, don’t tell them to “let it go” or “suck it up”. Instead, have open-ended conversations where you can learn what is really going on at school. Talk to your child’s teachers and administrators and work with your child to handle bullying without being crushed or defeated. Together, identify teachers and friends who can help them if they’re worried about being bullied.

Working With Technology

Educate your children and yourself about cyberbullying and teach your children not to respond or forward threatening emails. “Friend” your child on Facebook or MySpace and set up proper filters on your child’s computer. Make the family computer the only computer for children, and have it in a public place in the home where it is visible and can be monitored. Let them know you will be monitoring their text messages. As a parent, you can insist that phones are stored in a public area, such as the kitchen, by a certain time at night to eliminate nighttime bullying and inappropriate messaging. Parents should report bullying to the school, and follow up with a letter that is copied to the school superintendent if their initial inquiry receives no response. Parents should report all threatening messages to the police and should document any text messages, emails, or posts on websites.

Source: American Psychological Association